Women are the leaders in the relationship. Men know it better than women do. A woman can change the tone and energy more easily then they realize… and it’s fun to watch a man respond.
The quickest way to shift the energy in the moment–and as the primary way you interact with each other–is to remember that beneath the surface, down in his and your hearts, is a desire to be loved, accepted and appreciated.
If you open your heart for a moment, let go of the hurt and resentment, and imagine loving energy being exchanged between you, you will instantly shatter any negative feelings. That’s because it’s not possible to hold love in your heart at the same time you’re feeling anything negative. If you choose not to do this, I would invite you to look at why. That would be a good topic for coaching.
Here are 5 fun and easy ways to instantly improve your relationship:
1) Instead of complaining, whining, or raising your voice, speak softly with clear, concise, respectful, gracious, beautiful and loving language.
How do you do that? Before you “react” stop for however long you need in order to calm yourself. Walk away, explaining that you need to collect your thoughts before continuing. Remind yourself that you love each other, open your heart to his, and allow those negative feelings to dissipate.
Next, plan what you want to say. Sometimes I even write down what I need to communicate so I remember what I need to say. Then, when it’s time to talk about it, I ask that I be allowed to finish before he speaks. You’ll be surprised how well this works. He’ll stay open to what you need to say, you’ll be heard, and if you continue throughout the conversation as two people who love each other your relationship will begin to blossom.
And don’t start out with, “We need to talk.” That strikes fear into the heart of every man. Instead, ask, “I need your help with something. Do you have time for me to share?” Big difference because men like to help solve problems for the woman they love.
- The benefit to you? You will get his attention, his cooperation, and his respect.
- Why does it work? Men need clear, concise, unemotional language to be able to hear you. Otherwise, they shut you out completely. And we all know how good they can be at doing that.
2) Look for ways he makes you happy and let him know… regularly. Some examples might be: “It makes me happy that you like solving problems for me,” or, “You make me feel wonderful when you tell me you love me,” or, “It makes me happy that you help with the kids…and they love it.” One of the chapters in my book, Men Made Easy is titled: “Why Men Are Driven To Make Women Happy.” Letting him know you’re happy makes him feel successful. He needs that and you can give it to him.
- The benefit to you? He’ll start looking for more ways to make you happy.
- Why does it work? If you’re not happy he feels like a failure and men hate to fail.
3) Appreciate him often, especially for his masculine qualities and those things you know he likes about himself, things he’s proud of.
Examples could be: “I really appreciate what a nice home you’ve been able to give us. I don’t think I tell you enough,” or, “I love how strong you are. I like watching you work,” or, “The way you make love to me is so perfect, mmmmmm.”
- The benefit to you? He’ll fall in love each time you do it and you’ll make him feel like a hero. (The last secret in Men Made Easy is “A man wants to be with a woman who makes him feel like a man.”)
- Why does it work? Men compete with other men and need to measure up. You can validate his worth as a man.
4) Give him romantic kisses instead of pecks. Long hello kisses tell him you’re glad to see him, long good-bye kisses tell him you can’t wait until he returns, long thank-you kisses tell him you really appreciate what he did for you, and “hey you, kiss me” kisses tell him you want him.
- The benefit to you? He’ll feel more connected to you and look forward to being with you.
- Why does it work? Physical connection is the only way most men know how to be intimate and physical intimacy is what makes your relationship special from all other relationships.
5) Flirt with him. Be playful, tease him, say slightly naughty things once in a while, and gaze into his eyes with a “come here, big boy” twinkle.
Why do we think we can quit doing the things we did when we were first falling in love? The relationships that endure are those where the couple stays “in love” and have fun together. That means flirting, being playful, being sexy and sensual, and remembering why we fell in love in the first place.
- The benefit to you? You’ll both feel younger, friskier, and more in love and you won’t end up in divorce court.
- Why does it work? Flirting is a kind of play and playfulness helps cement your bond.
If you do all these things on a regular basis, you can repair a lot of damage and bring back the in-love sparkles. You can look at this as work or you can look it as fun. It’s all in your desire and your attitude. Remember, you’re the engine that runs the relationship.
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